ORIT: Sitcom: Opening Scene

(Orit was a sitcom I tried to write whilst in a heavily depressed state, it has no jokes or really any sort of humour, instead, only errant absurdity. Here is the first scene, the rest of the plot involved a weird gradual body swap, where the protagonist turned into me, a job at the BBC archives which leads to a lonely spiritual crusade and the construction of a giant carboard boat in a dark basement)


Scene 1: Interior, Day - Noblesse Job Agency

Orit and the Interviewer sit opposite one another in an office.

Interviewer: Sexuality

Orit: What, what's that?

Interviewer: This part of the form, there's a part here asking for me to ask you to indicate, if you can, your sexuality, your preference. Its for the form, that I, here, am filling in, for you, on the occasion of your seeking, with the aid of Noblesse Recruitment, a period of working in a job.

Orit: I had no idea there would be, personal questions.

Interviewer: I know...

Orit: Okay, well, I am a homosexual woman, I am a lesbianoid female.

Interviewer: Oh, good, that is wonderful.

Orit: Yes, I am very much in love, I have a wonderful girlfriend.

Interviewer: Right-

Orit: Yes, her name is Dolly, a very special woman, a spiritual woman, I love her very much, she-

Interviewer: -Please Orit, we don't want to know everything about your life. We are only interested in getting you into the employment situation of a job for yourself, alright?

Orit: I understand.

Interviewer: Then what sort of working are you looking for?

Orit: Well... I am hopeful that I can work in business, in numbers and on the people.

Interviewer: So some peopley working? Well, we have a number of real business things right now, in fact.

Orit: Oh?

Interviewer: Thats right, there's real grown-up jobs on my list (indicates clipboard with a scrawled list on it) for people, like you, who want a job with a bit of business and with the pressing of buttons, in all manner of rooms, in which a person, such as yourself, would go into, to think about the numbers and do some stuff for the person.

Orit: And it is very specially proper work?

Interviewer: Absolutely, come through to the other room, where we can test you.

(Orit follows the Interviewer into an adjoining room with three computer monitors and the Interviewer indicates for her to sit at one of them. The computer monitor is made of cardboard and so is the keyboard)

Interviewer: Now, I'm assuming you are used to buttons, this computer has many buttons and knobs.

Orit: Yes, the usual sort,

Interviewer: Yes, the usual sort, so nothing unusual there. A screen, buttons, knobs, now this test is to show us what you know about numbers, and then for you to show your responses to our questions about what happens, in a job, when the things that are happening, are - happening.

Orit: Yes, I understand, so this is happening, and it is meant to be as though it is a job that is happening.

Interviewer: That is quite right, I believe you will do very well. I'm going to pop off round the corner while you get started, but I'll be back to collect the results that the computer will tell me, so we can get you a job for you.

(The Interviewer leaves the room as Orit faces the screen. The screen flashes on - by using bad blue-screen technology - with the words "Test 4 Job 4 U" in comic sans. Orit poises herself for the test.)

Computer: Test Begins!

Question 1.

Computer: What is 1?

(Orit thinks, then types "One")

Computer: Where are files, for the lady?